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Date night questions for couples

The trouble with date night is that two people who live together arrive with a backlog. There is the boiler, the weekend, whose turn it is, and by the time all of that is cleared the main course has gone and nobody has asked the other a single question that was not logistics. The evening was pleasant and could have been a phone call.

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A few questions fix this, provided they are the right kind. Date night questions should be easy to start and impossible to answer in one word. They are not the place for anything heavy. Nobody wants to discuss what they are avoiding as a couple over a shared dessert.

These are sorted by course, because the evening has a shape. Start light while you are still arriving, save the warmer ones for when you have settled, and keep the ones about the future for the walk home.

While you wait for the drinks

Openers. The job is to get both of you out of the day you just had.

  1. 1What was the best part of your week that I have not heard about?
  2. 2What are you quietly looking forward to this month?
  3. 3What have you been thinking about lately that has nothing to do with work?
  4. 4What is the funniest thing you saw or heard this week?
  5. 5If tonight could be anywhere in the world, where would we be eating?
  6. 6What would you order if nobody were watching?
  7. 7What is a place near here you have always meant to try?
  8. 8What song has been stuck in your head?
  9. 9What did you nearly text me today and not send?
  10. 10What would make this a really good evening?

Over the starters

A little more personal and still light. Good for when the first drink has landed.

  1. 1What is something you have got into recently that I do not know much about?
  2. 2Who have you enjoyed talking to lately?
  3. 3What is the best meal we have ever had together?
  4. 4What is a small thing that went well for you this month?
  5. 5What is something you used to love doing that you have stopped?
  6. 6What would you do with tomorrow if it were suddenly free?
  7. 7What is the last thing you learned that surprised you?
  8. 8Which of our friends do you think is happiest, and why?
  9. 9What are you a bit proud of at the moment?
  10. 10What is something you would like to be asked about more?

Main course: the two of us

Warmer. These are the reason to go out instead of staying in.

  1. 1What is your favourite thing we did together this year?
  2. 2When did you last look at me and think, yes, that one?
  3. 3What is something I did recently that you appreciated and did not mention?
  4. 4What is a date we had early on that you still think about?
  5. 5What do you think we are like from the outside?
  6. 6What is something you would like us to do more often?
  7. 7What is a habit of ours you would never want to lose?
  8. 8What did you think our life would look like by now?
  9. 9What is the most fun we have had with no money?
  10. 10What should we stop putting off?

Dessert: plans and daydreams

The enjoyable kind of future talk, with no decisions attached.

  1. 1Where should we go next, if we could go anywhere?
  2. 2What would we do with a month off together?
  3. 3What is something you want to learn in the next year?
  4. 4What would our perfect weekend look like, hour by hour?
  5. 5If we opened a small business together, what would it be?
  6. 6What is on your list that we could actually do this month?
  7. 7What tradition should we start?
  8. 8What would you want our home to feel like in five years?
  9. 9Which city could you imagine us living in for a year?
  10. 10What is the next thing we should celebrate?

The walk home

Quieter, and easier side by side than face to face.

  1. 1What was the best moment of tonight?
  2. 2What do you wish we had more time for?
  3. 3What is something you want me to know this week?
  4. 4What is one thing I could do that would make next week easier?
  5. 5When do you feel most relaxed with me?
  6. 6What are you hoping for in the next few months?
  7. 7What have I got wrong about how your week has been?
  8. 8What do you want to remember about this time in our lives?
  9. 9What is one thing you love that I do without noticing?
  10. 10When shall we do this again?

Keep asking without having to remember

The hard part of this is not the questions, it is the habit. Most couples read a list like this, have one good conversation, and never open it again. HeartTap exists mainly to remove that failure: it sends one question at a time to both of you, and hides each answer until you have both written yours, so neither of you drifts toward agreeing with the other.

If you would rather not choose, the couple question generator picks one at random from every set on this site.

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Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask on date night?

Ones that are easy to start and cannot be answered in a word. Ask about the week, about something they are enjoying, or about a memory you share. Keep the heavy subjects for another evening. Date night is for enjoying each other, and a question that starts an argument has done the opposite of its job.

How do we stop talking about chores and children on date night?

Get the logistics out of the way before you leave, or agree to give them the first ten minutes and then stop. A question on the table helps more than a rule does, because it gives the conversation somewhere else to go.

How many questions do we need for one evening?

Three or four. One good question can fill a course. Bringing a list of fifty to dinner is a way of not talking to each other, so pick a few beforehand, or take one from each section.

Do these work for a date night at home?

Yes, and they matter more there. At home the television and the washing up are both within reach, so a question does the work that a restaurant table would otherwise do.

One question a day, answered together

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