Questions
Questions to ask your partner
1114 questions, grouped by the situation they actually suit. Each topic has its own page with the questions sorted into sections, plus notes on when to ask them and how to answer without starting a fight.
Deep questions to ask your partner
Sixty questions that go past the surface, sorted from gentle to genuinely searching.
60 questions →
Questions to ask your boyfriend
Sixty questions sorted by mood, from the ones that work over text to the ones that need a quiet evening.
60 questions →
Questions to ask your girlfriend
Sixty questions grouped from playful to serious, with notes on when each set actually works.
60 questions →
Long distance relationship questions
Fifty-eight questions for couples in different cities or time zones, including the practical ones most people avoid.
58 questions →
Questions for married couples
Fifty-two questions for the stage where you know the routine by heart and the person less well than you think.
52 questions →
Relationship check-in questions
Forty questions for daily, weekly and monthly check-ins, with a format that avoids the argument.
40 questions →
Date night questions for couples
Fifty questions sorted by course, to stop dinner turning into a meeting about the week.
50 questions →
Questions to ask your partner about the future
Fifty questions covering money, children, location and ambition, asked before assumptions harden.
50 questions →
Questions to ask before marriage
Sixty practical questions on money, children, family, home and conflict, for before the wedding.
60 questions →
Getting to know you questions for a new relationship
Fifty questions for the first few months, including the compatibility ones worth asking early.
50 questions →
First date questions
Forty questions that get a first date past the CV exchange, plus what not to ask.
40 questions →
Questions to ask your crush
Fifty questions for someone you like and have not told, including ones that work over text.
50 questions →
Flirty questions to ask your partner or crush
Fifty questions graded from light teasing to genuinely forward, with notes on reading the room.
50 questions →
Funny questions to ask your partner
Fifty questions with no agenda beyond making each other laugh, plus a how-well-do-you-know-me round.
50 questions →
Would you rather questions for couples
Sixty forced choices, from silly to genuinely revealing about what someone values.
60 questions →
This or that questions for couples
Sixty quick two-way choices, from breakfast to how you want to live.
60 questions →
How well do you know me questions for couples
Sixty questions in five rounds, from easy facts to the ones partners reliably get wrong.
60 questions →
Never have I ever questions for couples
Sixty statements for two players, from harmless confessions to ones about the relationship.
60 questions →
Truth or dare questions for couples
Thirty truths and thirty dares for two, clean and playable over a call.
60 questions →
The 21 questions game: what to ask someone you like
Four sets of twenty-one, for someone new, a new relationship, texting and long-term couples.
84 questions →
Cannot choose? The couple question generator picks one at random from every set.
How to actually use these
The most common way this goes wrong is treating the list as the activity. Two people work down twenty questions, produce twenty answers, and learn almost nothing, because the answer is never the interesting part. The interesting part is the second question, the one you ask because the first answer surprised you.
So take one. Ask it while you are doing something else, cooking or driving or walking somewhere. Let the conversation leave the question entirely and do not steer it back. If you get through one question in an evening, that was a good evening.
The other thing worth doing is answering at the same time rather than in turn. When one person goes first, the second answer bends toward it, and couples end up discovering that they agree about everything, which is rarely true and never useful. Write them separately and read them together.
That mechanic is built into HeartTap, which delivers one question at a time from a library of over 2000 and keeps both answers hidden until each of you has written yours. But a notes app and a bit of discipline does the same job.
Question decks in the HeartTap app
Frequently asked questions
How do you use questions like these without it feeling forced?
One question at a time, folded into something you are already doing. Working down a list in order turns into an interview, and people answer interviews carefully rather than honestly. The aim is a habit of curiosity, not a completed list.
Should we answer at the same time or take turns?
At the same time, wherever you can. Whoever answers second is pulled toward the first answer, usually in the direction of agreement, which quietly removes the point of asking. Writing separately and revealing together avoids it.
How many questions should we do in a sitting?
One is usually right, three is the ceiling. The value is almost never in the question itself, it is in the follow-up, and follow-ups need room. A question that leads to forty minutes of conversation has done its job better than twelve that led to twelve answers.
Where do these questions come from?
They are written for this site, grouped by the situation they suit rather than shuffled together. The HeartTap app carries a much larger library of over 2000 questions, delivered one at a time with both answers hidden until you have each written yours.
Get a question a day, together
HeartTap sends one question at a time to both of you and keeps the answers hidden until you have each written yours. Free on iPhone and Android.