Questions
Questions to ask your partner
638 questions, grouped by the situation they actually suit. Each topic has its own page with the questions sorted into sections, plus notes on when to ask them and how to answer without starting a fight.
Deep questions to ask your partner
Sixty questions that go past the surface, sorted from gentle to genuinely searching.
60 questions →
Questions to ask your boyfriend
Sixty questions sorted by mood, from the ones that work over text to the ones that need a quiet evening.
60 questions →
Questions to ask your girlfriend
Sixty questions grouped from playful to serious, with notes on when each set actually works.
60 questions →
Long distance relationship questions
Fifty questions for couples in different cities or time zones, including the practical ones most people avoid.
58 questions →
Questions for married couples
Fifty questions for the stage where you know the routine by heart and the person less well than you think.
52 questions →
Relationship check-in questions
A structured set for daily, weekly and monthly check-ins, with a format that avoids the argument.
40 questions →
Getting to know you questions for a new relationship
Fifty questions for the first few months, including the compatibility ones worth asking early.
50 questions →
Questions to ask your partner about the future
Fifty questions covering money, children, location and ambition, asked before assumptions harden.
50 questions →
First date questions
Fifty questions that get a first date past the CV exchange, plus what not to ask.
48 questions →
Flirty questions to ask your partner or crush
Fifty questions graded from light teasing to genuinely forward, with notes on reading the room.
50 questions →
Funny questions to ask your partner
Fifty questions with no agenda beyond making each other laugh, plus a how-well-do-you-know-me round.
50 questions →
Would you rather questions for couples
Sixty forced choices, from silly to genuinely revealing about what someone values.
60 questions →
How to actually use these
The most common way this goes wrong is treating the list as the activity. Two people work down twenty questions, produce twenty answers, and learn almost nothing, because the answer is never the interesting part. The interesting part is the second question, the one you ask because the first answer surprised you.
So take one. Ask it while you are doing something else, cooking or driving or walking somewhere. Let the conversation leave the question entirely and do not steer it back. If you get through one question in an evening, that was a good evening.
The other thing worth doing is answering at the same time rather than in turn. When one person goes first, the second answer bends toward it, and couples end up discovering that they agree about everything, which is rarely true and never useful. Write them separately and read them together.
That mechanic is built into HeartTap, which delivers one question at a time from a library of over 2000 and keeps both answers hidden until each of you has written yours. But a notes app and a bit of discipline does the same job.
Frequently asked questions
How do you use questions like these without it feeling forced?
One question at a time, folded into something you are already doing. Working down a list in order turns into an interview, and people answer interviews carefully rather than honestly. The aim is a habit of curiosity, not a completed list.
Should we answer at the same time or take turns?
At the same time, wherever you can. Whoever answers second is pulled toward the first answer, usually in the direction of agreement, which quietly removes the point of asking. Writing separately and revealing together avoids it.
How many questions should we do in a sitting?
One is usually right, three is the ceiling. The value is almost never in the question itself, it is in the follow-up, and follow-ups need room. A question that leads to forty minutes of conversation has done its job better than twelve that led to twelve answers.
Where do these questions come from?
They are written for this site, grouped by the situation they suit rather than shuffled together. The HeartTap app carries a much larger library of over 2000 questions, delivered one at a time with both answers hidden until you have each written yours.
Get a question a day, together
HeartTap sends one question at a time to both of you and keeps the answers hidden until you have each written yours. Free on iPhone and Android.