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Would you rather questions for couples

Would you rather works because it removes the escape route. Asked what they value, most people produce something reasonable and unfalsifiable. Made to pick between two goods, they have to give one up, and the thing they give up is the actual information.

The trick is in the pairs. If one option is obviously better, there is no question, just a preference check. The pairs below are built so that both options genuinely cost something, which is why some of them are harder to answer than they look.

Play it properly: pick first, explain second. The explanation is where it gets interesting, and if you explain before choosing you will talk yourself into the respectable answer.

Silly ones to start

Warm-up. No information content, but they set the format and stop the whole thing feeling like a test.

  1. 1Would you rather always be ten minutes early or twenty minutes late?
  2. 2Would you rather never eat bread again or never eat cheese again?
  3. 3Would you rather have to sing everything you say or dance everywhere you go?
  4. 4Would you rather be too hot or too cold for the rest of your life?
  5. 5Would you rather have unlimited free flights or unlimited free food?
  6. 6Would you rather lose your phone for a month or your entire photo library forever?
  7. 7Would you rather be famous for something embarrassing or never be known for anything?
  8. 8Would you rather have no internet at home or no hot water?
  9. 9Would you rather always know when someone is lying or always get away with lying?
  10. 10Would you rather relive the same great day forever or never have a bad one again?
  11. 11Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button?
  12. 12Would you rather never be able to complain or never be able to compliment?

About the two of you

Same format, aimed at the relationship. Several of these get answers people would never volunteer.

  1. 1Would you rather have one long holiday a year together or a weekend away every month?
  2. 2Would you rather I always told you the blunt truth or always protected your feelings?
  3. 3Would you rather we agreed on everything or argued well?
  4. 4Would you rather have more time together or more money together?
  5. 5Would you rather I planned everything or nothing?
  6. 6Would you rather be told what I am upset about immediately or after I have thought about it?
  7. 7Would you rather live near your family or near mine?
  8. 8Would you rather have a big group of couple friends or one very close pair?
  9. 9Would you rather do everything together or have separate hobbies you each love?
  10. 10Would you rather be surprised or be consulted?
  11. 11Would you rather I said I love you more often or showed it more often?
  12. 12Would you rather have a quiet life together or an interesting one?

Life and values

The pairs where both options cost something. This is the section that actually tells you who you are dealing with.

  1. 1Would you rather be respected or liked?
  2. 2Would you rather have work you love and little money or work you tolerate and plenty?
  3. 3Would you rather be free or be secure?
  4. 4Would you rather have five close friends or fifty good ones?
  5. 5Would you rather know the date of your death or the manner of it?
  6. 6Would you rather be right or be kind, when you cannot be both?
  7. 7Would you rather have a life of comfort or a life of meaning?
  8. 8Would you rather be forgotten entirely or remembered inaccurately?
  9. 9Would you rather never fail or never be bored?
  10. 10Would you rather understand everything or be understood by everyone?
  11. 11Would you rather have more time or more certainty?
  12. 12Would you rather your children were happy or capable?

Hypotheticals with a sting

These start as jokes and land somewhere real. Handle with a bit of care.

  1. 1Would you rather read my messages for a day or have me read yours?
  2. 2Would you rather know what I really think of you or never wonder about it?
  3. 3Would you rather be able to erase one memory of ours or add one that never happened?
  4. 4Would you rather I forgave you for something you did not do or blamed you for something you did?
  5. 5Would you rather have a year apart guaranteed to work out or stay together with no guarantee?
  6. 6Would you rather I hid a bad day from you or brought it home?
  7. 7Would you rather we never argued or never had to apologise?
  8. 8Would you rather know my worst thought about you or tell me yours?
  9. 9Would you rather have met me earlier or met me later?
  10. 10Would you rather be the one who loves more or the one who is loved more?
  11. 11Would you rather be needed or be wanted?
  12. 12Would you rather we both changed a lot or neither of us changed at all?

Everyday and domestic

Deceptively practical. Several of these are worth settling properly rather than by attrition.

  1. 1Would you rather cook every night or clean every night?
  2. 2Would you rather have a bigger home further out or a smaller one central?
  3. 3Would you rather share all finances or keep them separate?
  4. 4Would you rather host constantly or always be the guest?
  5. 5Would you rather go to bed at the same time or sleep on your own schedule?
  6. 6Would you rather have a pet or a spare room?
  7. 7Would you rather spend on experiences or on the home?
  8. 8Would you rather do the admin or the physical work?
  9. 9Would you rather have every weekend planned or every weekend free?
  10. 10Would you rather live somewhere beautiful and remote or ordinary and connected?
  11. 11Would you rather have a long commute and love your job or no commute and tolerate it?
  12. 12Would you rather retire early with less or work longer with more?

Keep asking without having to remember

The hard part of this is not the questions, it is the habit. Most couples read a list like this, have one good conversation, and never open it again. HeartTap exists mainly to remove that failure: it sends one question at a time to both of you, and hides each answer until you have both written yours, so neither of you drifts toward agreeing with the other.

Related question sets

Funny questions to ask your partner

Fifty questions with no agenda beyond making each other laugh, plus a how-well-do-you-know-me round.

Deep questions to ask your partner

Sixty questions that go past the surface, sorted from gentle to genuinely searching.

All question topics →

Frequently asked questions

How do you play would you rather as a couple?

Pick first, explain second. If you explain before choosing you will reason your way to the respectable answer instead of the true one. Both of you should answer every question rather than taking turns asking, since the comparison is most of the value.

What makes a good would you rather question?

Both options have to cost something real. If one is clearly better it is not a question, it is a preference check. The pairs that produce a long pause are the ones doing work, because the pause is the person discovering what they actually value.

Are these suitable for a new relationship?

The silly and everyday sections, absolutely. The values section is genuinely useful early, since it surfaces compatibility questions in a format that does not feel like an interrogation. The hypotheticals with a sting need enough trust that a difficult answer will not be filed away as evidence.

What if we disagree on something important?

That is the game working. A disagreement surfaced over dinner as a hypothetical is enormously cheaper than the same disagreement discovered three years in. Note it, come back to it properly another day, and do not try to resolve it in the middle of a game.

One question a day, answered together

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