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60 questions

How well do you know me questions for couples

Everybody thinks they would win this game, which is the reason it is worth playing. The gap between how well you believe you know your partner and how well you actually do is usually wide, and it tends to be widest in the couples who have been together longest. Familiarity produces confidence much faster than it produces accuracy.

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The rules are simple. One of you is the subject. The subject writes down their answer, the other writes down a guess, and you reveal together. Writing matters, because a spoken guess lets the subject drift towards agreeing with it out of kindness. Then swap.

The rounds get harder. Facts come first and are mostly a test of attention. The later rounds ask about preferences, reactions and inner life, where the wrong answers are the interesting part. A miss in round five is not a failure. It is something you now know.

Round one: the facts

Either you know these or you do not. A low score here is a matter of paying attention, and is easily fixed.

  1. 1What is my middle name?
  2. 2What was the name of my first pet?
  3. 3What did I want to be when I was ten?
  4. 4What is my shoe size?
  5. 5Where was I born?
  6. 6What was my first job?
  7. 7What is the name of my oldest friend?
  8. 8What subject was I best at in school?
  9. 9What is my star sign?
  10. 10What was the first thing I ever cooked for you?
  11. 11What phone did I have when we met?
  12. 12What is the one food I will not eat?

Round two: favourites

Harder than it looks, because favourites change and nobody announces it.

  1. 1What is my favourite meal of all time?
  2. 2What film have I seen more than any other?
  3. 3What is my favourite way to spend a Sunday?
  4. 4What song would I put on to cheer myself up?
  5. 5What is my favourite thing you cook?
  6. 6Where is my favourite place we have been together?
  7. 7What is my favourite season, and why?
  8. 8What would I order at a bar without thinking about it?
  9. 9What is my favourite item of clothing?
  10. 10Which of my friends do I find funniest?
  11. 11What is my favourite thing about where we live?
  12. 12What smell do I love?

Round three: habits and reactions

What you would predict, tested against what is true. Partners often score worst on the things they see every day.

  1. 1What do I do first when I get home?
  2. 2How do I take my coffee or tea?
  3. 3What do I do when I cannot sleep?
  4. 4What is the first thing I notice about a stranger?
  5. 5What do I always forget when I leave the house?
  6. 6How long does it take me to get ready, honestly?
  7. 7What am I like when I am hungry?
  8. 8What do I do when I am nervous?
  9. 9What would I spend an unexpected hundred pounds on?
  10. 10What do I complain about most?
  11. 11What chore do I secretly not mind?
  12. 12What am I most likely to be doing at eleven at night?

Round four: us

Shared history, remembered separately. Expect two different versions of the same events.

  1. 1What was I wearing the first time we met?
  2. 2What did I think of you in the first five minutes?
  3. 3What was our first argument about?
  4. 4What is my favourite memory of us?
  5. 5What is the best present you ever gave me?
  6. 6What do I think is our song?
  7. 7When did I know this was serious?
  8. 8What do I think you do better than anyone?
  9. 9What is the trip I most want us to take?
  10. 10What is the thing you do that I find most endearing?
  11. 11What do I tell other people about you?
  12. 12What would I say is the secret of us?

Round five: the inner life

The round that matters. Wrong answers here are worth a conversation, and nobody should be marked down for them.

  1. 1What am I most insecure about?
  2. 2What is my biggest worry at the moment?
  3. 3What would I change about my life if I could?
  4. 4What am I proudest of that I rarely mention?
  5. 5What do I need when I have had a terrible day?
  6. 6What is something I regret?
  7. 7What makes me feel most loved?
  8. 8What am I afraid of that I would not admit to most people?
  9. 9What dream have I quietly given up on?
  10. 10What do I wish you asked me about?
  11. 11What compliment means the most to me?
  12. 12What would I want to be doing in ten years?

Keep asking without having to remember

The hard part of this is not the questions, it is the habit. Most couples read a list like this, have one good conversation, and never open it again. HeartTap exists mainly to remove that failure: it sends one question at a time to both of you, and hides each answer until you have both written yours, so neither of you drifts toward agreeing with the other.

If you would rather not choose, the couple question generator picks one at random from every set on this site.

Related question sets

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Fifty questions with no agenda beyond making each other laugh, plus a how-well-do-you-know-me round.

Deep questions to ask your partner

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All question sets

Frequently asked questions

How do you play how well do you know me?

One person is the subject. They write their own answer and their partner writes a guess, then both reveal at once. Score a point for each match and swap roles after each round. Writing the answers down stops either of you adjusting to the other.

What is a good score?

Lower than you expect. Most couples do well on the facts and worse on habits and inner life than they would have bet. Treat the score as a joke and the wrong answers as the useful part: each one is something you believed about your partner that turned out not to be true.

What if my partner gets a lot wrong?

Resist reading it as a verdict. People change quietly and do not announce it, so a partner can be attentive and still be working from an old picture of you. A wrong answer is an invitation to update it, and the game is the cheapest way either of you will get to do that.

Can we play this long distance?

Yes, and it suits it well. Send a question, both write your answer and your guess, and reveal on a call or in messages. HeartTap’s questions work the same way, keeping each answer hidden until you have both written yours.

One question a day, answered together

HeartTap delivers a question at a time from a library of over 2000, and keeps both answers hidden until you have each written yours. Free on iPhone and Android.

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